Why Microsoft shouldn't make cars?

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments/General Motors issued a press release stating the following: "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would accept this, restart, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart;
in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought 'Car95' or 'CarNT.' Then you would have to buy
more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that's powered by the sun, more reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water, temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single 'general car fault' warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same butt size.

9. The airbag system would say 'Are you sure?' before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the 'Start' button to shut off the engine.

Impossible is Nothing

The Mutual Fund Executive Who Beat Michael Jordan

February 28, 2008 10:33 AM

On SI's Fan Nation, Chris Ballard says that he once heard a story about Michael Jordan losing a game of one-on-one to a camper at his high-end "Flight School" in Las Vegas.

Lo and behold, after a little research, Ballard was able to watch video of the day John Rogers Jr., founder and CEO of the nation's largest minority-run mutual fund, beat a post-Wizards era Michael Jordan in a game to three.

Ballard describes what's on the tape:

The game begins, fittingly, with Jordan still ribbing a previous victim. "Don't be mad at me, I'm just too good," he booms. "What, you think I had this camp just so you all could beat me?" Taking the ball first, Rogers drives right and lofts in a runner. Then he goes left to hit a leaner. The crowd of 150 or so -- campers but also coaches like John Thompson and Mike Krzyzewski -- begins to murmur. Predictably, Jordan evens it, and the end appears imminent until... Michael misses a jumper. Then he clangs another!

So Rogers again hurtles left and, nearing the hoop, jumps off both feet. Jordan, clearly into it now, times his leap to swallow up the shot. Only Rogers, in a move he's practiced a thousand times but that still appears impossibly awkward, leans away from MJ as if eluding the curl of a crashing wave. He spins the ball up, up, up and over Jordan's fingertips, off the glass and in. On the video the first thing you hear is Jordan ("Oh, no!"), followed by comedian and camper Damon Wayans, who jumps at the chance to mock MJ. (Lest you think Jordan had lost his edge, he ­immediately brought Wayans onto the court and ­humiliated him 3-0.)

Naturally, Jordan demanded a rematch with Rogers, right? Actually, he didn't. ­Instead he hugged Rogers -- the two go back a ways from Jordan's days in Chicago -- and said, not so huggably, "Next time we're on the court together, I'll show you what it's like to play in the NBA." But that has yet to happen. Rogers ­hasn't been back to Flight School, and MJ stopped playing campers a few years ago. As for Rogers, he had DVDs made from the tape and dispensed them to friends and employees, because, well, wouldn't you?

Complexity

Women are complex creatures…..
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often,she thinks it is boring
If you don't , she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't , you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "Oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they a just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short :
So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful……….WOMEN !……..